As I write out these thoughts about what seems to me to be the configuration of human beings and other species, in terms of what seems to be the inevitability, of at least some degree of zero-sum scenarios, I wonder how I can distinguish, as I mentioned above, between, on the one hand, making excuses, and giving myself license to be immoral, and, on the other hand, genuinely facing up to the reality of how human beings are configured, that is , that sometimes I must choose sides, and that sometimes I must cause harm, in one form or another.
Regarding this matter, one thought I have is that, if I and other human beings strive to be as honest as we can in terms of dealing with how human beings function, in terms of our dealings with each other and other sentient beings; and in terms of the configuration of human mental phenomena, then, that may enable myself and other human beings, to more closely approximate a perfect state of affairs, as defined by the complete well-being of every sentient being. [[12-25-12: It might still make sense to me to wrrite about “more closely approximating the least imperfect state of affairs on Earth or wherever else we might have concerns in the universe. But I’m presently thinking of this in terms of each person striving to each her or his potential for empathy and thereby leading to —all else being equal—more socially harmonious communities. ]]]
Actually, attempting to approximate that ideal perhaps is more meaningfully expressed as human beings genuinely seeking to minimize the extent to which we inflict suffering upon human and other sentient beings, accounting for the fact that non-human factors bear upon whether human and other sentient beings suffer.
Regarding the matter of me being tempted to cop out, using my thoughts about the inevitability of zero-sum scenarios as an excuse for me to be immoral, my thought is that what motivates me to not make such excuses is my own self interest. If I copout, I stand to lose, in the long run.
Regarding my conception of a perfect state of affairs, I have been wondering about my own desire for such a state of affairs. I have wondered about me desiring such a state of affairs so strongly that such a desire fills my entire being.
I don’t understand this though, given that a perfect state of affairs seems unlikely to ever exist. I guess I have had this thought about me genuinely desiring that there be such a state of affairs, but accepting, with genuine reluctance, the fact that such a state of affairs can be approximated, not attained, because I may have suspected that I seemed to somehow be glad that our state of affairs is imperfect, and that there is suffering.
To think of it in another way, perhaps I wasn’t glad about the suffering of others, but rather, I was relieved by thinking that it is a matter of reality that I have limitations in terms of what I can do about the suffering of others; and that making myself miserable by obsessing about the suffering of others, would not, in itself, contribute to the well-being of others. I imagine that it is a nice state of mind to be in when I deem that I am genuinely doing my best to follow my conscience. I am not sure why I am attracted to the idea of me genuinely desiring there to be total happiness and no suffering. Perhaps I sense that I would experience some sort of psychological liberation via having such a genuine desire.
Perhaps such a genuine desire for a perfect state of affairs would be such that I could escape from my preoccupations concerning my pride and vanity.
Perhaps, I sense that when I outgrow my ‘pride’ and ‘vanity’ there is nothing, or much less, to fear. I think of this idea about genuinely desiring there to be such a perfect state of affairs being such that I long for it with the intensity that I have longed for other things such as what I deemed at one time to be the liberation of sexual activity or the joy of acclaim.
I am not sure if I can long for the perfect state of affairs given that the thought of it may be too abstract for me to have strong emotions over it. Perhaps, what I can have is strong emotions with regards to my concern for specific human beings or some other specific sentient being. I am not sure how this strong emotion that I mentioned earlier would come about. I am not sure if it would come about via my concern for a loved one or whether it could also come about by me somehow becoming concerned about someone I don’t know.
A thought that occurs to me is that there is something appealing to me about me disliking the fact that the perfect state of affairs does not exist. Perhaps I sense that there is something I don’t like about myself, if I somehow like the fact that there is suffering.
For lack of a better way of putting it, an aspect of what has appealed to me about having a concern for the feelings of others, is that it seems that via having such a concern I seem to transcend my sexual/romantic frustration and my fears about ‘losing face’ and my fears about being disrespected or not accepted, and my fears about being harmed in some way, and my vague sense on ‘missing out on life’.
Perhaps the issue regards being true to myself. Indeed I want to live life to the fullest enjoyment I can get from it. Perhaps an aspect to doing that involves me caring about the thoughts and feelings of others through my companionship and community with others.
Perhaps there is a certain burden that I bear as a result of being ‘overly concerned’ about ‘my own feelings’; and that such a burden is lessoned via me taking a genuine interest in the thoughts, feelings, and welfare of others.
It seems, at first perhaps, paradoxical: to get more satisfaction, I need to take more of an interest in the welfare of others.
As I stated in an earlier chapter, if I make changes to how I live my life such that I deem that I make some sort of ethical progress, it is not a matter that I have begun to become less motivated by self-interest due to concerning myself more about others. Rather, if I make what I deem to be moral progress, I have changed the manner in which I relate to myself.
I think that the dimension to my self interest which motivates me to take more of an interest in the thoughts and feelings of others is that I deem that by doing so, I enhance myself, given that my various states of awareness comprise that which I term my ‘self’. It follows that if I do what I deem to be increasing my awareness, I am, consequently, enhancing my ‘self’.
The attractiveness of the idea of me having a genuine desire for there to be a perfect state of affairs may be related to me sensing that to do so, would involve me expanding my ‘self’, in the sense that my awareness comprises my ‘self’. I have written in other parts of this essay about doing what is good for me with as little harm as possible to others. I wonder whether it is possible for me to harm others while genuinely disliking the fact that I am doing so.
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