3-5-2015
I can relate to the idea (if not to the idea if it were presented in political discourse) that sexuality is at its best a phenomenon for the formation of ‘families’ but the term ‘families’ includes queer romantic love. It’s not only a matter of sexuality promoting the formation of families, but also sexuality, at maybe any stage in life, can promote community, if the via the romantic tie, two people increase the extent to which they thrive and are thereby more loving not only in one’s personal life but also in terms of one’s community ties. (Can there be romantic love in a three way or four way or five way partnership and so on ? To what extent are there such cases ? )
While it seems likely that the right type of romantic relationship would enable me to do more to help others, due to me being more fulfilled, as I near the age of 47, I can see how sexual interests can be a distraction away from me having a ‘spiritually-based’ (not in a religious sense) love toward others and toward myself. I’m not sure. These are rough sketches of ideas.
1-24-2015
As an atheist, I’m becoming more spiritual in the sense of recognizing our connection to Earth and our inter-dependence as life forms here.
It’s ‘spiritual’ in terms of purpose, as in “the spirit of the law” and not spiritual (for me) in terms of any sort of belief in non corporeal states of being; and not spiritual (for me) in the sense of assuming there to be a divine purpose or supernatural will driving the phenomena of the universe (or multiverse).
Thru atheist spirituality based in a totalizing sense of purpose , I’ve come to see that it’s probably best to never make sexually suggestive comments. Ever.
I’m speaking of ‘totalizing’ in terms of what a human psyche can reach for. Hence it’s totalizing in the sense of cohering the diverse, sometimes seemingly contradictory aspects of one’s being over the course of one’s life, from our earliest childhood memories to the present, and to our understanding of our potential future, tomorrow and well beyond, here on earth.
For me, part of spirituality is reconciling aspects of my life that have long seemed incompatible or contradictory, not thru rationalization and delusion, but thru honesty, self-acceptance, and forgiveness extended toward myself and others.
For me, spirituality, based in, but not necessarily limited to science and rationalism, involves the process of thesis-antithesis-synthesis related to Fichte, Hegel and probably other thinkers. That dialectical process seems (1) intra-personal (within one’s psyche), (2) interpersonal; and (3) communal and societal.
I experience that process as I revise old essays and correspond with people, as well as carry elements of those correspondences to community based or public discourse.
It all seems a process of making sense together. To me, that’s spiritual, in that in many ways, knowledge derives from dialogue and dialectics. Actually, when it comes down to it, selfhood is relational. For example, inmates tortured via prolonged solitary confinement generally experience serious mental problems as a result. Spirituality is a matter of ‘relationality,’ and we can conceptualize that politically, ecologically or via other lenses.
But as for striving to never, ever, make sexually suggestive comments thru becoming more spiritual in my dealings, my guess is that with such an approach whatever bonds that emerge are based on common interests, respect, and kindness; and thru that process, whatever romantic dynamics emerge, if they emerge at all, do so naturally, without objectifying anyone, or otherwise detracting from what King referred to as “beloved community.”
I’ve found that thru the mental discipline of striving, with incomplete success so far, to not allow sexually objectifying mental frames within my psyche, both cognitively and perceptually, I can be more in tune with what those around me are experiencing. For example, with a less lustful mind, I seem better able to read facial expressions and body language, noticing whether someone is sad, hurt, frustrated, afraid, offended,—-sorry to only list the unpleasant feelings others may be experiencing.
I guess concerning myself with suffering is relevant to compassion, but I like what Auguste Comte Sponville points out in A Small Treatise on the Great Virtues : Christian agape includes compassion, but it’s not limited to it. Agape includes loving those who are not presently suffering.
These are some of the details (for me ) of spirituality. In at least some ways, the mental and emotional discipline as well as the practical endeavors associated with eco-spirituality are similar to those we see in various religious faiths.
But let’s get back to the topic of romance and celibacy. Thru a type of spirituality based in nature and reason, as sketched above, and thru intensive community engagement, I’ve come to see that it’s evident that some people don’t develop viable romantic bonds, and that such persons can lead fulfilling lives. In other words, one can live without sex, but one likely can not live, at least not live well, without love.
Related to the subject of love is lust, a term that I find useful as a non-theist. Lust is a form of idolatry (to use a theologically loaded term), not because our bodies are inherently bad, as some views of theology would have it, and not because the Devil is tempting us, but instead, because carnal lust distracts us from a totalizing mindfulness regarding the interdependence of lifekind and our dependence on the earth.
Carnal lust fetishizes our bodies, warping our perspective such that we imagine our bodies and their processes to be the core reference points for our sense of purpose, when in reality our appreciation of our bodies is most beautiful, healthful, fulfilling and inspiring when we understand them as being instrumental to our inter-dependence with other humans and other lifekind.
A warped understanding of our bodies manifests itself both as (1) guilt, shame, and mental repression about sexuality and other bodily processes such as menstruation or defecation; and, at the other extreme, (2) excessive fascination with sexual activity; and an excessively sexualized preoccupation with our bodies, which sometimes includes eroticizing bodily functions such as urination, bleeding, or defecation.
Maybe that’s a bit of a tangent, but I thought it might be useful in terms of a sort of eco-spiritual, non-theological understanding of carnal lust.
I’ve been thinking about carnal lust in terms of (1) it being a contrast to love, used here in the agape sense, to borrow from the Greeks and Christians, as well as (2) my current efforts to use eco-spirituality to come to terms with the involuntary celibacy that has characterized much of my life.
But as an eco-spiritualist, so to speak, who is seeing his spirituality as being in harmony with science and reason, I’m still interested in what theists have said and done regarding love, and how various people have balanced eros, philos, and agape. A side note here is the question of how parental love fits into the categories above. Maybe it’s its own.
Relevant to love is celibacy. There may be spiritually relevant aspects to celibacy, aside from the Catholic Church’s political aim to concentrate its wealth by preventing it from being inherited.
The lives of politically engaged nuns and priests within and beyond Christianity might be worth a look regarding the spiritual, perhaps revolutionary value of celibacy.
The radical evangelical Christian Shane Claiborne talks about his celibacy in his book The Irresistible Revolution, to the point of referring to Jesus Christ as his lover in whose arms he wants to fall asleep and wake.
Claiborne seems very comfortable with himself. That’s a sincere compliment, and Claiborne’s Christ-centered celibacy, perhaps paradoxically, has an implicitly wholesome celebration of sexuality thru his repeated description of Jesus Christ as his lover.
Claiborne’s is not the only eros-related formulations that pertain to spirituality, of course. Not only have some Christians referred to the church as the body of Christ and as the bride of Jesus, but some folk in the ecology movement speak of earth as one’s lover. For example, Charlies Eisenstein refers to Lover Earth
Also regarding celibacy and romance as it pertains to spirituality, the life of Alberto Cutie is also worth a look.
I’m not sure if I’m going to be a celibate person for the rest of my life, but I am becoming more at peace with being single, as I continue to seek romance. I no longer allow the thought of being single to torment, depress, or enrage me.
If I get that personal problem out of the way, I can be more loving in a community and political sense.
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